Welcome to Normita’s Corner, the coolest new spot on the web where fashion meets futbol! In case you don’t know me, I was Juan and Camilo’s secretary for a few years until they fired me because I got pregnant. Yup, they don’t really do maternity leave here at MP, but when they begged me to come back (these boys really don’t know how to clean up after themselves) I thought it sure beat working at the Forever 21 in Queens Mall! They even promised to give me my own column on top of my usual duties of bending down and picking things up, so now I can finally write about my favorite things…fashion and hot boys! Ooooh, and I’m so glad the boys speak English now because I was born here and the only thing I know how to say in Español is mojito! I mean, that was enough to understand them before, but now I have a serious job!
ANYWAY. Yeah so let’s start with this Dwayne De Rosario dude. A quick look on Wikipedia tells me he was born in 1978 (dude, that’s old!), he plays for Toronto FC (what does FC stand for??? aaaah I’m already so confused), and he’s a VEGAN with a wife named BRANDY. Loser, right? I mean, vegans are just no fun because they don’t shower and you can’t go to Applebee’s with them ’cause they won’t eat anything on the menu. And BRANDY? Eeeeew, Canadian trailer trash! But wait…there must be a reason I started talking about this dude…hmmm….crap I forgot. Maybe I’ll go flat-iron my hair some more and it’ll come back to me.
WAIT. That’s it. HAIR. So Dwayne had like these little cornrows for a while (like my ex-boyfriend in junior high), which were cute but kind of like…umm, you’re like almost white! Are you trying to channel Kevin Federline or something? In which case, I guess a wife named Brandy in a trailer park would be the right move… But the thing is, this guy did a total 180 with his hair just now! Just look at the pics! It’s all-natural and puffy now…almost a fro, in a cute ponytail that still lets him play without getting in the way of the ball or whatever. So luscious and natural! I know the boys don’t like his fro, but that’s just because they’re jealous they can’t grow their own fro’s. Anyways, Dwayne gets…
*snaps from Normita*
Snaps! Get it, guys? Like in Legally Blonde! Owww, I broke a nail. Okay, I’ll be back. ‘Cause I got something even more important to tell you guys.
Okay back, I glued on a new one. So like Preki, the coach from Toronto, is SUPER CUTE. Like he really has a Tom Cruise thing going on with the dimples and those little crinkles near his eyes (yeah, okay, I KNOW Tom is crazy, I mean he was cute before he was crazy right?) But from a Serious Fashion point of view, I just don’t understand how Preki can wear those little athletic Adidas or whatever shorts on the sidelines when other coaches are wearing suits and ties and stuff! I mean, like, okay, here’s the honest truth: I really can’t complain because it means I get to see his package, and it looks kind of big. But having a baby made me realize that there’s more to life than big packages, so from a Serious Fashion Perspective, I say this is:
*a Normita thumbs down*
In conclusion, when Toronto plays the Red Bulls tomorrow (who my girl Kickette says are like the hottest team in the MLS, and I totally agree), let’s all cross our fingers and hope Preki wears pants!
He can take them off for me later. Okay guys this was really fun, I gotta go back to breast-feeding, omg, I wonder if my acrylic nails gonna be bad for breast milk…
